Hey Everyone!! :-)
I wrote this a couple of months ago about something that happened with my day job and posted it on Facebook, but I thought it might give you a chuckle, so I'm sharing it here too. Enjoy! :-)
The company I work for: We're going to pay to install and maintain a dedicated business internet line to your home.
Me: Sweet! When?
Company: We'll get back to you.
Me: Okay.
Company: ISP X isn't available where you live.
Me: I know. I never said they were. You didn't ask me what ISPs are available where I live, but here's a list anyway.
Company: The installer is coming the Monday after a holiday weekend. Here are some vague instructions and a number to call if you have questions, but no one's going to answer if you do call because it's late the day before a holiday weekend.
Me: Well, okay, I guess we'll figure it out when the guy gets here.
Cable Installer: We can't provide service to this building.
Me: Your website says your service covers this area, and my company confirmed that with your company.
Installer: Oh, we do. But not this building. I'd have to run a line from the pole to the building.
Me: And you can't do that?
Installer: Well, it will take time.
Me: And you don't have time?
Installer: Well, I guess...
Me: *looks at him*
Installer: *sigh* I guess I'll do it.
Me: Okay, thank you.
Installer: *runs cable diagonally across the entire yard to a different apartment, and then back to my apartment.*
Me: *silently in my head* Ooookkaayyy. I guess that's one way to do it. *out loud* Are you going to bury the cable underground?
Installer: *looks at bright orange cable running across the ground of my entire yard and hanging down over my neighbor's door* No. Someone else will come out to bury it. Make sure it doesn't get cut, or they'll charge you $150 to fix it.
Me: Uh-huh. Okay, I guess. Thank you. *in my head* I guess it's possible to keep a cable on the ground from getting damaged for a couple days. not ideal, but hopefully it will be done soon.*
Different installers, two-man crew, a couple days later: We're here to bury your cable. We'll have to disconnect your service for a few minutes.
Me: *while working and using said service*: Okay, please let me know when I can use it again.
Installers: Okay, you're all set!
Me: *working and not going out to look* Awesome! Thank you.
Me: *finally getting around to looking at "buried" cable* What the actual fuck?!? This isn't buried at all! It's just laid on the ground with a little dirt on it in places.
Me: *calls ISP* Hi, your people said they buried this cable, but it's not buried. Can you please send someone out to bury it properly?
ISP: Sure! We'll get someone right out.
Installer: Can you show me where the cable isn't buried?
Me: *points to several places along the length where the bright orange cable is showing through the brown dirt and a couple places where it's sticking up into the air* All along here.
Installer: Well, ma'am, that looks buried to me.
Me: *incredulous* You can see the bright orange cable. It's not buried, and it's just a matter of time before the rain washes away what little dirt there is or some animal pulls it up, and it either gets cut by a lawnmower or chewed up by an animal.
Installer: Well, we never bury cables any deeper than a couple of inches.
Me: Okay, well, first, that's not deep enough, even if it were buried that deep, but it's not even buried that deeply. You can see the cable sticking up and lying just under the surface.
Installer: I can't see the cable. Those are just dirt clods. It's buried.
Me: Okay, I, too, share the ability with very young children, early-stage dementia patients, and our POTUS to pass basic cognitive skills tests. Consequently, I know my colors. The cable is bright orange; the dirt is brown. It's not difficult to tell them apart.
Installer: Well, I'll bury the part that's sticking up into the air, but the rest of it is buried.
Me: No, it's really not. All it's going to take is one good rainstorm, and it will be completely uncovered. And I'm not going to pay for it if it gets damaged.
Installer: I've been doing this for a million years, and that has never happened.
Me: 😑 Right.
Me: *goes out next morning after it rained that night to look at cable* Well, now it's completely unburied. But I'm not dealing with this anymore. I'm going to call my company's IT department and let them argue with the ISP.
Me: *talking to my company's IT department* Hi, yeah, they said it's buried, but it's not buried. It's only a matter of time before it gets damaged, and I'm not paying for it when it does.
IT: *looking at pictures I emailed them* Okay, we'll contact the ISP, and someone will get back to you.
ISP: *dispatcher calling* I don't know what you want us to do, our installer says it's buried.
Me: Do you want me to send you pictures?
ISP: No, we'll get someone out to look at it.
Me: Okay.
Person to look at it: *several days later* They said it's buried.
Me: Does it look buried to you?
Looker: No.
Me: So, then...?
Looker: I don't know. I'll let them know. Someone will contact you.
Me: Okay.
Me: *calls my company's IT department to let them know what's going on*
IT: Okay someone will contact you.
Person who originally "buried" the cable shows up without anyone contacting me to let me know he's coming: I buried it that way because I didn't want to dig across your yard and hit any other buried lines.
Me: So, then, why don't you not dig across my yard? Why don't you just run the cable from the pole directly to my apartment, rather than to the opposite end on the building and all the way back again?
Installer: *mumbles something unintelligible*
Me: Excuse me?
Installer: I guess I can do that.
Me: Thank you.
Installer: *buries new cable but doesn't connect it. leaves internet hooked up through old cable* You'll have to call the company to get someone to switch it over.
Me: *goes out and looks at new cable* Well, at least it looks like it's actually buried now. And it's running to the correct side of the building. I don't know why it was so difficult to do it right in the first place, though.
Me: *sighs and calls ISP and explains situation*
ISP: Well, if you're having trouble with your modem, you'll have to call your company's IT department to troubleshoot it.
Me: *sigh* I'm not having trouble with my modem. The modem is great. It's sitting on my desk, blinking at me as we speak. It says to say hi. The modem is just fine. The problem is your technician buried a cable but didn't connect it to the box on the outside of the building.
ISP: That doesn't make sense.
Me: Tell me something I don't know.
ISP: Why would he do that?
Me: I don't know. Why don't you ask him?
ISP: I don't know how to fix this. I'll have to send it to dispatch.
Me: Okay.
Me: *calls my company's IT department to let them know what's going on*
Dispatch: *calls me* We can't fix this. We have to escalate it. Someone else will call you.
Me: Okay.
Installer shows up, without anyone calling me first, in the middle of a violent thunderstorm: I can't switch the lines in this.
Me: *lightning streaks across the sky and thunder booms so loud I can barely hear him and rain pours down in buckets* Ya think?
Installer: I'll reschedule for tomorrow.
Me: Okay.
Diffferent Installer comes the next morning: I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
Me: *silently in my head* Now, if that doesn't just sum up your entire fucking company *out loud* You need to disconnect the old line and connect the new one. And you need to pull up the old cable and take it with you.
Installer: Well, I can't dig it up out of the ground.
Me: It's not really buried. You can just pull it up.
Installer: No, it's buried.
Me: *rolls eyes* No, it really isn't.
Installer: So I have to do all that?
Me: Yes.
Installer: *grumbles but gets started*
Me: *goes out to inspect when he leaves* Well, he made as much of a mess as he possibly could pulling up the old wire, but at least it's gone. *goes inside to see if work computer will connect to the VPN* And it seems to be hooked up correctly. So *fingers crossed* maybe this is finally done. It only took three weeks. 🙄
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